well,

today was harsh! i had a bad day... and i seriously mean BAD day...
in the morning, i woke up and it turned up that i have to go to gym to 'grading'

then, i waited at the Agensi Zhulian for hours because Makyang & Wanchik had an event there...

soon, Ayah chor & family came and we went houses to houses to send Abg Danial's wedding card.
we wanted to go to Uncle Lat's house and we bumped to Ateh and she told us 'diaorang ada di rumah' well, we all thought 'siapa yang ada di rumah?' then, uncle lat told us that Wanyong, Wancik, Ayah Yeop was at Ki's house. so, we stopped there.... it felt different because Ki wasnt there... well, unfortunately he will never be there again )': it felt different or in malay 'janggal' because everytime i go to Ki's house, i will talk to him until its time to go home. but now i cant anymore. i can never talk to him again. it felt like the house was 'Uncomplete' or Ilyas always say 'something is missing!' it felt like the house was empty even though there were people there maybe because before this, its like the house was full of Ki's soul and now... its gone.

currently i am feeling guilty and sad...

because the last time i saw him was 2 last year's Hari Raya Puasa. the last thing he said to me was

'DO THE BEST AND JUST LET ALLAH DO THE REST. JANGAN PUTUS ASA!'

well, that sentence...
i didnt do what he told me to.. i gave up.
and i felt deeply guilty because Ayah Lope & Opah and some other people went to see him while he was sick but i didnt... i wanted too but i have to go to school. )':

at his funeral, i cant... stop crying..
guilt was all over me...
and now, i am still feeling it!
as i saw other people cry over him, i also cant stop crying...